


The downside of being Immortal

by MajaTheWriter



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comforting Alec, Death of unknown character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Malec, Minor Character Death, Sad Magnus Bane, Shadowhunters - Freeform, imortality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 13:41:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9823082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajaTheWriter/pseuds/MajaTheWriter
Summary: Magnus is avoiding Alec due to his immortal friend commit suicide because the lover was a mortal and died of old age. He thinks that avoiding would help his pain, and maybe Alec will give up on him before their relationship became fully stable. But the main problem is that Magnus can't live without him, he is in pain every day, and drinking and wallowing are his solutions.Will Alec help?





	

Magnus had lived for at least 400 years; he had loved and lost countless times. He had been heartbroken and close to death, he had experienced torture, but nothing ever came close to this. This torture was deeper than anything, it was torture only visible to himself; the torture of loving a mortal, a mortal who will eventual age and die, who would leave him. This he had experienced before but with Alexander it was completely different. 

They had only known each other for a month and had only gone out on 2 official dates. They had discussed the fact about Magnus´s immortality before they became an official item. They had agreed to ignore that huge difference because they both deserved to be happy for the moment. Magnus knew it was unfair; unfair to Alec and to himself. Not one day went by where he did not face that problem, but he thought he could live with it as long as Alec was by his side. He had fallen so hard for this 22 years old shadowhunter. Alec had found the key to his heart and unlocked it by the first meeting. Magnus had never felt so open, exposed, vulnerable when Alec was around.   
Many times he felt ashamed of how a powerful high warlock, could be so naïve, so weak, so utterly in another person's hands. He would be embarrassed by how happy he´d be when Alec just looked at him, or just spoke to him, even if the subject was of the clave, or anything but there new relationship. The affection for the lightwood boy had instantly hit the level of love; deep uncontrolled love, but unfortunately the feeling of love was only on his side.   
Alec was very quiet, introverted, never reviled any feelings for him the only hint he got was the kiss at the wedding, but Magnus would always say that Alec was just making a statement to the world that he was gay, it wasn’t actually directed towards their “relationship”. 

Magnus´s days were all busy, with finding Valentine, helping the Shadowhunters, with clients, he always seemed completely exhausted coming home during the evenings. Though the last couple of night was different, Alec had stayed over; they had enjoyed each other’s company, laughed, talked, hugged and kissed. Magnus felt over the moon, he never thought he would ever find this kind of happiness. Magnus just observed and listened to this wonderful happy man sitting before him. He had never seen Alexander smile so bright before, he had never seen him open up, exposing himself, letting his guard down before. It made Magnus´s heart fill with joy and clench with sadness, knowing that it would never last.   
Magnus´s phone rang, and he told Alexander that he had to answer, it could be a client. 

“Hi” 

“MAGNUS!!!, IS IT YOU” it was a woman´s voice. 

“Yes, it's me, Catherina, is everything okay? “ Alec could hear the concern in Magnus´s voice. 

“It-it´s Laura- she, she is” Catherina clearly sobbed over the phone. 

Magnus immediately feared the worst. 

“She is dead, she took her own life, she left a note, explaining how she could not live on after Jim died, I – I tried to save her Magnus, I” 

“I´m coming” Magnus didn’t want Alexander to cry so he hid his emotions and turned to him and lied saying that a client needed him. Alexander understood, he walked over the Magnus and kissed his cheek, and before leaving he told   
Magnus to be careful. 

As soon as the door closed Magnus let go of everything, he couldn´t hold his tears back, they were stinging his eyes, he created a portal and ended up just beside Catherina, who was on her knees, besides Laura´s limb body.   
Magnus went over and tried his best to comfort her, knowing that they had been close friends for over 2 centuries. 

“All for love, Magnus, all for Jim” she muttered between the heavy sobs and whimpers.

“It´s going to be all right, it’s going to be alright”. Hoping that the words would comfort her. 

Hours past and they got rid of the body and went back to Catherina´s place, Magnus had made sure that Catherina had gone to bed, he had not seen her that exhausted for a long time.   
Magnus had left as soon as she fell asleep, leaving the note. He had to get some fresh air, he kept thinking about Alec, kept thinking if he would do the same thing, he would be in the exact same situation in 50 years maybe. Even the thought of losing Alec now, made his chest ache painfully. His best solution would be to end their relationship, to save Alec, to protect his heart. But Magnus couldn´t do it, he, instead he chose to lie and tell Alec that he was busy, and it worked; It worked for 2 weeks straight, until he showed up a late evening, hoping that he could stay the night.

***

Magnus had heard a knock on the front door; he had just dragged his tired, sleepy body to the door, and stood completely frozen, looking at the young shadowhunter. Alec looked like he hadn´t slept for at least 2 days, he had dark circles under his eyes, and they were filled with sadness. He had been confused by the silent treatment that Magnus gave him. Especially because Magnus was the one who pushed Alec to admit his feelings by stopping the marriage to Lydia, he had been fighting, and Alec had ended up giving up everything for Magnus, risked everything. 

“Alexander, w-what are you doing here?” Magnus managed to get out still looking like at statue. 

“Y-you have completely ignored me, for 2 whole weeks, you have lied to me and said that you have been busy, but I know you have been here the whole time, why? Why haven’t you talked to me, I get that I am young and you have probably gotten bored with me, but you could at least tell me, somehow you owe me that much, a little explanation”.

Alexander was looking directly at Magnus, trying to keep his tears at bay. 

“How do you know I’ve been here the whole time?”

“I’ve been walking around your block every evening, wondering why would say you were busy, but I would see you standing by the window with a drink in your hand” 

“HOW, HOW can you see me, you spied on me”? 

“Rune to increase sight; and yes I thought maybe you had found somebody else. I waited this long because I wanted to give you time, to do whatever you needed to do, but now I want an explanation, I need it, even if this is our last conversation” Magnus had never heard Alec be so sure of himself, no stammering, because he was on a mission; a mission for answers. 

“Alexander, yes I’ve been ignoring you, but I have a perfect explanation, but it does require that you come inside and sit down, ” he said quietly while gesturing towards his black couch. 

Alec walked passed Magnus and sat down on the edge of the couch. He looked down at the floor, while Magnus moved towards the couch. 

“ Last time you were here, I got a phone call, I told you that I was a client, but I lied, it was actually my old friend Catherina, she called telling me that one of my other friends had committed suicide” 

“Magnus, I’m so sorry, I could have been there for you. Comfort you; help you, that is what people do when they are in relationships. I would have helped you. 

“NO!!! You couldn´t, you would have made It worse” Alec felt like he had been slapped, and the after sting feeling was still there. He looked at Magnus´s who could no longer hide his tears. 

“She´d commit suicide because her husband/lover died of old age, she had tried to live, tried to keep going, but she gave up, she couldn´t”. 

“I cut my connection to you, hoping that our relationship was so new that I could go on, leave you behind and not have to face that problem later on” 

“Magnus, I love you” Alexander´s voice was barely over a mumble. 

Magnus got up and told him that he loved him too. He went over and poured up some strong liquor into a small glass.   
“Alexander, I don’t know what to do, if I lose you now, or in 50 years it will make not difference at all”   
“I will never leave you, Magnus, I love you too much. There is no one like you, I will never leave you”   
Magnus couldn’t take it anymore and he snapped. 

“YES, YES YOU WILL, IT´S NOT GOING TO BE YOUR CALL TO MAKE” He threw his glass across the room, and heard it smash. It smashed like his heart, into a million pieces. Alexander flinched; the action took him completely by surprise. “ When you are going to get a little older, you and, I –I can´t”. Alec walked over to Magnus and took him in his arms.

“I will never be able to grow old with you, I fear that it is going to do more damage that good”. 

Alexander didn´t fight Magnus´s last statement, he just hugged him tightly like he was holding onto oxygen, something he couldn´t live without.   
He could fell his t-shirt getting wet, from the warlock´s tears, but he didn´t care. He was a protector, and this moment all he needed to do was protect Magnus´s heart, comfort him, love him. 

Magnus´s violent tears and shaking had calmed down, and now 25 minutes later he was just standing in Alexander´s arms letting out some weak sobs every now and then. 

Alexander was rubbing gentle circles on Magnus´s back and whispering comforting things such as;

“It´s going to be alright Mags because I love you”, “We will find a way, you and me, we will make it work”. 

“I love you more than anything in the world, I´m terrified because I don´t want to lose you EVER, I can´t live without you, I´m so scared, but I will not let a possible, and very real destiny control everything I want now, and want I want and need now is you, Mags”. 

The last comment made Magnus look up at Alec with his red, shiny eyes. His eyes were filled with love, admiration, insecurity, and little but still noticeable angst. 

“I need you too, Alexander, I love you” Magnus tighten his grip around Alec´s upper back, and Alec pulled Magnus´s waist closer to Alec´s so their bodies were perfectly lined up, and he kissed his temple, a soft meaningful, sweet, soothing kiss. 

A kiss filled with promise, hope, and unconditional love.


End file.
